Use Your Words, Not Your Hands

Emotional regulation strategies to avoid outbursts

BY: Usable Knowledge POSTED: April 1, 2022

Develop an Emotion Vocabulary

Building a sophisticated emotions vocabulary helps children identify and communicate different types of feelings, which in turn helps them manage emotions in productive ways, instead of hitting, acting out, or withdrawing.

• Strategy:
  Create a "Feelings Tree" on the wall of your classroom or living room where you can post feelings-related words (“feelings leaves”) as they arise in conversations, in books or movies, or through other classroom activities. Start with basic emotions like happy, sad, mad, and scared, and see how many new words you can add throughout the month, like jealous, embarrassed, anxious, and proud. Encourage students to practice using their new emotion vocabulary when you read or talk about your day.

• Kid Talk:
  When you notice your child or a student acting a certain way, ask how they are feeling. Add that feeling to the Feelings Tree and tell them about a time you felt that way. This helps children understand that all feelings are normal and okay. It also helps to validate positive feelings, like pride or affection.

Understand that Emotion Underlies Behavior

Sometimes it can feel as if someone else is in control, especially when you experience big, intense feelings — as if the emotion, not you, is in charge of what you say or do. Acknowledging the connection between feelings and behavior can help parents and teachers get to the root of difficult behavior, and can help students to build self-awareness about the link between how they feel and how they act.

• Strategy:
  "Stop and Stay Cool" is a strategy kids can use to calm themselves down when they feel strong emotions like anger or anxiety. Stop and Stay Cool has five steps:

  • Notice when you are about to lose control

  • Tell yourself to stop and think

  • Wrap your arms around yourself and give a big hug

  • Practice breathing slowly while counting to five

  • Regain control and return to the learning or social activity

• Kid Talk:
  Ask your child: When you have a strong emotion like anger, does it feel like someone else is in control? Talk to your child about who is “in control” and what might be triggering the feelings. Walk your child through the Stop and Stay Cool steps, modeling how to take deep breaths, slow it down, and take time to “cool off” before moving ahead.

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By Harvard Graduate School of Education